Burning
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: Three people's thoughts this is set in season three, during Committed, and contains spoilers for that. ScottLily shippy, but also angsty...
1. Scotty

AUTHORS NOTES: I wrote this after seeing Committed, and trying to understand where my ship had gone. (And still hoping it'll come back...)

BURNING

SCOTTY.

She's easy.

Let me rephrase that. Given her reputation, that could be taken the wrong way.

She's simple. Easy to understand. Easy to figure out.

Oh, she's had her complications and her difficulties. She's got a secret past. Haven't we all? But whatever Josie's thinking shows up on Josie's face. It never shuts down. There's never any walls.

And hey, I can relate. Difficult past. Complicated present. Sometimes you just need a little – simplicity - in your life.

And Josie doesn't have that fragile look about her. She doesn't look as if she'd shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. And if she did, she'd accept help. She'd reach out, she'd crumble into someone's arms. She'd cry. She'd let me wipe away the tears. Josie's walls are small and broken, and easily scaled.

If I hurt her, I'd regret it. But it wouldn't burn me. It wouldn't cost me sleepless nights. It wouldn't eat away at me.

She'd never look at me with wounded glass-blue eyes before turning away. Broken glass-blue eyes that leave shards in my soul.

If she were hurt, or lost, I'd find her. But I'd never panic for her. I'd never murder for her. The image of the last time I saw her would never linger in my mind, until all I wanted to do was scream her name out, tear my eyes so I wouldn't keep imagining her blood, the next time I saw her.

There'd be no George, with Josie.

Just lust, and laughter, and a few secrets shared and some good times. Just like it was with Christina.

Josie wouldn't be Lily. Josie would let me love her, as best as I could.

And I want to, for a second, in the records room. Just for a moment, I see a path away from difficult, complicated, fragile Lily.

Yes, I want Josie.

But my soul still has the aching need for Lily.

I stand in the records room, long after Josie has left, wanting to love her. But all I can think about is Lily. Lily, who won't let me – anyone- near her. Lily, who sleeps with the dead. Lily, all alone, and wanting it that way.

Loving Lily burns me. But I can't escape the flames


	2. Josie

JOSIE

He's cute. Sexy even, in a kind of intense way. Hardly ever smiles. My guess is, there's a past there.

But, who doesn't have a past, right?

And he's kinda old-fashioned. Protective. The kind to put his coat round you on a cold day. I like that. I like him.

I could do more than like him. It's been a bad few years, and I know I'm damaged. But I'm healing.

And I'm ready to fall. Head over heels, body and soul, fall into love. And why not Scotty?

He thinks too much. Something's happened to him too. Something recent, and it's scarred him.

I have scars. Scars, I understand. I bet I could make him smile.

And I'm tempted. The way he looked at me, in that records room, all alone, I was tempted. Lord knows, I'd like to do nothing better than jump into Scotty Valens arms, where I'd be safe and warm and protected.

But I suddenly realised. The way he was looking at me. A hundred men have looked at me exactly like that.

But it was nothing like the way he looks at Lily Rush.

Compared to the way he looks at her, the way he looks at me means nothing.

When Scotty looks at Lily, his eyes burn for her.


	3. Lily

LILY.

I don't want to be around Scotty. I don't like the way he looks at me. Not since...not since George.

I'm a good detective. I have great perception. I understand people. So why have I never understood Scotty?

No, I have a better question. Why have I never understood myself?

I'm not looking for a great love. I'm not really looking for love at all. Some companionship, maybe. Some fun. A little bit of physical contact. That's all I want.

That's all I thought I wanted. Until Christina runs off with Scotty and my first thought is 'How could he, he's mine!'.

Dammit, he's nobody's. And especially not mine.

But he suffers so much, and I've felt every single pain he feels. I felt it when Elisa died. I felt it when Christina left. He radiates the hurt. I thought we all felt it.

But it was just me. And that scares me. How can I be so intimately connected to another person that I hurt when he hurts?

I don't want that. I don't want Scotty's love. He's so intense, I'd lose myself in him. I don't want to fold myself in his arms, and sob out my soul. I can't be that weak. I have to be strong.

I can't ever be that little girl in the dark again, hoping someone will come and rescue her. Someone who never comes.

I have to be alone. I have to rely only on myself.

So coming down that drive, to Scotty, I threw up my walls. And I'm safe behind them. And now, later, I see the way he look at Josie, and I don't mind it.

I like it. I don't want Scotty watching me, supporting me. I don't want to learn to rely on him, to need him, because the day I do that,he'll leave. Everyone always does. I don't want to love anyone. I want Scotty to love someone else.

I believe that. I really do. And now I'm standing in the records room, two shelves away from Scotty and Josie, and I don't think they know I'm here.

And I know he wants to kiss her. I know she wants to kiss him. I can hear it in their voices. And even though she asks him to step aside, and he does, I can still feel the heat long after she's gone. All the time that Scotty stands there, for ages, just standing in the records room alone.

It's what I wanted. I wanted him to stop loving me.

So why do the tears in my eyes burn me?


End file.
